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I'm getting really nervous (partly why I haven't posted in awhile). We are going up to the in-laws for a night and my biggest fear is being sick while away. This year there is that REALLY nasty stomach bug going around and I'm so scared that someone will have it while we are there and pass it to us (both of his brothers come from out of town). On top of that Jake had a mild cold this week so I've been avoiding that as well. I'm starting to feel better hoping no one that I will be seeing is sick (I've seen them posting on FB and not mentioning anything so fingers crossed!). Then I'm about to go wrap gifts and in my news feed something catches my eye and it's a post about a FB friend in MI (my dad's town) that has this virus going through her family right now. No, I will not be seeing her at all but the thing is she is in my state so it just revived the fact that this virus is still out there :( I am NOT happy about this! Jake better stay true to his word that is one person gets it we are out of there faster than he can say BYE!  God, please keep my family safe from this virus over the holidays. If I have to endure it, it would be much easier at home for my sake and the future of me ever going anywhere over night during flu season. (But I'd really like to NOT endure it at all - ever - especially this strain).

On a lighter note... the world is suppose to end tonight so what am I so worried about?

Sunday School

Last night was night two of not sleeping well. My littlest was restless, it was raining with thunder (very odd for December here), my husband was snoring then he was having a nightmare that I had to wake him out of. All of that and my anxiety over the nasty norovirus that is going around when having to attend a class full of kids in the morning was keeping me up.

Needless to say I felt like a truck ran over me in the morning and the stress over facing germy kids was not helping. I almost didn't go but I decided to go because my daughter was excited about it and I did commit to it. This is one reason I hate committing to anything. Then I feel obligated and it's hard to back out but I told them I would assist in class today so I brought myself in even though my immune system is shot from lack of sleep and too much sugar.

Of course there were two little boys (brothers I'm guessing) coughing up a storm. I just told myself it was the "after" a cold cough that people get. You know the one that lags on forever. But they also had runny noses so can someone please tell me why their parents sent them here!? Deep breaths - I can get through this just stay away from the boys and sanitize sanitize sanitize. The airborn germs I just tried to turn my head away.

They started with play time and my little girl picked a puzzle to play with by herself and I helped. Then another little girl came over. Oh no they are going to pass germs! Breath it's OK your daughter is going to be fine - this one doesn't look sick. You know what? It was okay - anxiety ridden? Yes, but it was fine in the end. Then we had story time and I strategically sat my daughter away from the coughers but then what happened  The little boy who just said he had to go to the doctor because he was sick (earlier I over heard this) laid right next to my kid! What was he sick with? Is he still contagious? OMG. I scooted my daughter away a little. The story is over but what did the teacher just say? Snack time!? These kids just touched everything and spread every germ they had and you want them to eat? I had a little relief when the teacher gave each kid a squirt of alcohol gel but I wiped my little girls hands well. I passed out the pretzels after sanitizing my hands but I was careful not to touch the food. I told my daughter no cookies because the teacher was touching them and I am pretty sure she didn't sanitize (it is possible I didn't see it). Good thing we had cupcakes to decorate at home so I promised her one of those! This was the most anxiety I had the entire class. I didn't let my little girl have any water either because the teacher was touching the rim of the glass with her hands - eew! Maybe this will get easier with time just like dance class did.

After class all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I'm beyond exhausted after this stress.

News Alert: Norovirus Outbreak Shuts Down Schools!

This is my trigger! The Norovirus, Rotovirus anything that has anything to do with a stomach bug. I am completely freaking out and it isn't even in my town.... yet! It is down state about an hour but I just know it's creeping it's way up here. The thing is, I called this! I knew it was going to happen a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving because I knew all the people getting sick before the holidays would travel and go eat with family, preparing food and contaminating them. Sure enough we had an outbreak severe enough to close some schools! I really wish people put more thought into how contagious they are for 3 days AFTER symptoms stop and not be selfish to go to an event that could easily be skipped (it's not like it was work and there was a risk of getting fired).

It's weird because just before I saw this news alert on my Facebook feed I was thinking maybe we dodged a bullet. Maybe the outbreak I feared isn't going to happen because I don't see people posting about being sick online. Then BAM! I saw it and panic mode set it.

I can only hope and wish and pray that this is all over BEFORE Christmas because we travel for Christmas and it's a fear of mine every year. I always worry that someone will come to my inlaws with this virus from out of state (so they have nowhere to go) and then spread it. My husband said if that did happen we would stay home but I wonder if he means it or if he just thinks it won't happen so he tells me what will make me calm down. I think he means it because I know he doesn't want it either. No one does but some people just don't care or don't think and go about their normal plans when I think they should cancel. Let's just hope everyone around me is healthy and I don't have to deal with this! *fingers crossed*

I have to assist at Sunday school tomorrow. I am not thrilled about this because of the outbreak. I know it isn't closing any schools in my town but it still makes me nervous that one of the kids there was sick within the last 3 days and still spreading their germs. Oh gosh... I hope it's a small small class and everyone is healthy and has been all week! *sigh* I hate triggers.

The Cupcake Shoppe

Whenever I have to sign something I always use my own pen. I am working on getting my own stylus pen for the card signatures at stores that require it. For now, I immediately use alcohol on my hands after signing and always grab the pen at the very top (thinking this is the place people touch it the least).

Today I decided to treat my girls to a cupcake after dance class. I was already anxious because I forgot my gloves to open the 3 doors to get into dance but my coat worked as a good alternative today. We get in the shop and pick out our cupcakes. Did I just see this guy put our cupcakes in the box without washing his hands or putting gloves on? Oh no! Okay... it's okay... he just touched the papers... it's fine, right?

I hand him my check card and he runs it through. Then something that is new to me... he turns an ipad around and says "sign with your finger". *alarm bells* Sign with what!? Oh gosh... can I do this? There is no way out I have to. Stay calm in front of the kids. I sign with my finger right in the place EVERY person has to sign. *deep breath*  He then gives the girls a sticker from a small basket on the counter - that was nice. Nice and germy! Okay it's done and we are walking out.

One of my girls wants to hold my hand. I carefully hold it without the contaminated finger touching her. I get the littlest one in her seat and before I belt her in I sanitize. I feel a little better. I wipe her hands off (who knows what was transferred via that sticker but hopefully it will keep her hands out of her mouth on the way home). I get the older kid in her seat and wipe her hands off too after I belt her in. I get in the car and use sanitizer again. Feeling better and headed home. I can't wait to wash my hands! 

We get home and wash up - all clean. Then it's cupcake time! Oh no he touched the wrappers with his dirty hands. He didn't wash them. He came from the back and it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop - there is no way he washed his hands. I did not hear water running. He was probably on a dirty computer or phone! I carefully take the wrappers off without touching the actual cake. I then wash my hands (again). The girls enjoyed their cupcakes and so did I - Detroit Bumpy Cake - yummy!

Why I don't clean as much as I should...

 Thanksgiving just came and went. My mother is someone I would describe as a "clean freak" and me on the other hand I hate cleaning. I always thought I was just too lazy or it was because as a kid my mom did all the cleaning (yes all of it - she might tell you otherwise but she really did all of it). A few days after Thanksgiving my mom was graciously telling me that my fridge was so dirty that it took everything in her to not wipe it out. I never thought much of the fridge. I don't put raw food directly on the surfaces (everything is in a container or a bag) so I rarely clean it. I asked my husband if our fridge was gross and he just shrugged it off.

This got me thinking.... if I am so afraid of germs, why is it that I hate cleaning? Basically I make up for it by washing my hands a lot! Cleaning is anxiety for me. I have to touch dirty things and before I can touch any "clean" things I need to wash my hands. If I forgot a dirty thing I'd have to clean/touch it then wash my hands again and so the viscous cycle goes.

A light bulb went off after that conversation with my mom and I finally got it. I don't clean because that would mean getting my hands "dirty" and I would have to wash them over and over again to get the germs off. Instead I just sanitize surfaces that food touches (counters, dishes, my hands). I take extra caution about what food touches and if my hands touch the outside surfaces of the packaging I wash my hands again just in case it were contaminated.

My mom suggested gloves to clean but the thing is then the gloves are "contaminated" and I feel they need to be thrown out. That would get expensive. I could wash them I suppose but even with gloves I would have to find clever ways of getting them on/off without getting my hands dirty. That would be a task in itself. I would obviously have to take them off to move clean things to then clean the dirty surfaces (with gloves on of course)... this is exhausting just writing about it!

I started talking out loud about my daily struggles with my fear and it's actually quite funny if you read or hear what actually goes through my head so why not blog about it? I'm not the only one out there like this and some of you can relate, some of you will just think I'm crazy and maybe some of you will just get a good laugh. I hope you enjoy my blog as I journey through my life with Mysophobia - the fear of germs.