The Cupcake Shoppe

Whenever I have to sign something I always use my own pen. I am working on getting my own stylus pen for the card signatures at stores that require it. For now, I immediately use alcohol on my hands after signing and always grab the pen at the very top (thinking this is the place people touch it the least).

Today I decided to treat my girls to a cupcake after dance class. I was already anxious because I forgot my gloves to open the 3 doors to get into dance but my coat worked as a good alternative today. We get in the shop and pick out our cupcakes. Did I just see this guy put our cupcakes in the box without washing his hands or putting gloves on? Oh no! Okay... it's okay... he just touched the papers... it's fine, right?

I hand him my check card and he runs it through. Then something that is new to me... he turns an ipad around and says "sign with your finger". *alarm bells* Sign with what!? Oh gosh... can I do this? There is no way out I have to. Stay calm in front of the kids. I sign with my finger right in the place EVERY person has to sign. *deep breath*  He then gives the girls a sticker from a small basket on the counter - that was nice. Nice and germy! Okay it's done and we are walking out.

One of my girls wants to hold my hand. I carefully hold it without the contaminated finger touching her. I get the littlest one in her seat and before I belt her in I sanitize. I feel a little better. I wipe her hands off (who knows what was transferred via that sticker but hopefully it will keep her hands out of her mouth on the way home). I get the older kid in her seat and wipe her hands off too after I belt her in. I get in the car and use sanitizer again. Feeling better and headed home. I can't wait to wash my hands! 

We get home and wash up - all clean. Then it's cupcake time! Oh no he touched the wrappers with his dirty hands. He didn't wash them. He came from the back and it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop - there is no way he washed his hands. I did not hear water running. He was probably on a dirty computer or phone! I carefully take the wrappers off without touching the actual cake. I then wash my hands (again). The girls enjoyed their cupcakes and so did I - Detroit Bumpy Cake - yummy!

Why I don't clean as much as I should...

 Thanksgiving just came and went. My mother is someone I would describe as a "clean freak" and me on the other hand I hate cleaning. I always thought I was just too lazy or it was because as a kid my mom did all the cleaning (yes all of it - she might tell you otherwise but she really did all of it). A few days after Thanksgiving my mom was graciously telling me that my fridge was so dirty that it took everything in her to not wipe it out. I never thought much of the fridge. I don't put raw food directly on the surfaces (everything is in a container or a bag) so I rarely clean it. I asked my husband if our fridge was gross and he just shrugged it off.

This got me thinking.... if I am so afraid of germs, why is it that I hate cleaning? Basically I make up for it by washing my hands a lot! Cleaning is anxiety for me. I have to touch dirty things and before I can touch any "clean" things I need to wash my hands. If I forgot a dirty thing I'd have to clean/touch it then wash my hands again and so the viscous cycle goes.

A light bulb went off after that conversation with my mom and I finally got it. I don't clean because that would mean getting my hands "dirty" and I would have to wash them over and over again to get the germs off. Instead I just sanitize surfaces that food touches (counters, dishes, my hands). I take extra caution about what food touches and if my hands touch the outside surfaces of the packaging I wash my hands again just in case it were contaminated.

My mom suggested gloves to clean but the thing is then the gloves are "contaminated" and I feel they need to be thrown out. That would get expensive. I could wash them I suppose but even with gloves I would have to find clever ways of getting them on/off without getting my hands dirty. That would be a task in itself. I would obviously have to take them off to move clean things to then clean the dirty surfaces (with gloves on of course)... this is exhausting just writing about it!

I started talking out loud about my daily struggles with my fear and it's actually quite funny if you read or hear what actually goes through my head so why not blog about it? I'm not the only one out there like this and some of you can relate, some of you will just think I'm crazy and maybe some of you will just get a good laugh. I hope you enjoy my blog as I journey through my life with Mysophobia - the fear of germs.