So it's been awhile since I posted. I had a lot to post about too but instead of playing catch up let's just go from today. So last week one little girl was not at dance because she was sick. I don't know what she had but when the teacher said that her mom said they were all kind of sick there I immediately jumped to stomach flu/norovirus. My trigger!
I immediately started making plans for not going the next week (this week) because "what if" that little girl is still contagious. I don't have her mom on my dance mom's facebook list so I have no way of seeing if she posted about any kind of illness there.
So here we are at home and dance class starts in 7 minutes. We aren't going and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because the real reason she isn't going is because I'm afraid of what that little girl had and I'm afraid maybe just maybe she is still contagious. I thought I was doing pretty good but this is a major step-back.
Scenario 1 - Dance Class
My plan - to find out what that little girl had. I don't know and at this point I don't want to know. What I don't know is usually better. My only concern now is if she is still contagious will the other little girl in the class (there are only 3 girls) get it now?? I have to not think about that and luckily her mom is on my FB feed and we are semi-friends. My plan for bad weather well there is a Winter storm coming so I called her teacher last night and said we weren't going because of the weather. It turns out the weather is FINE right now. All of the mess is coming tonight. That would have been perfect if class just got cancelled on it's own... but it didn't.
Lies - I lied to her teacher because normally I would wait to see what the weather was like. The real reason was I freaked out about germs since one of the girls was sick last week. I then posted to FB that my little girl was upset she was missing (in reality she doesn't even know she is missing it). Then I said my husband had my car today anyway because he had to get a scratch fixed on his car. This was a half truth. Yes, he went to get a scratch fixed but he did not take my car.
Guilt - I feel horrible. We should have gone to dance today. There was no reason not to go. The only reason we didn't go was because of my OCD and phobia. Next time I will try to be stronger.
Scenario 2 - The Birthday Party
We were invited to a birthday this weekend. We aren't going.
The original plan - to go. It will be fun. So I RSVP that we would all be there. Then I talked to my friend and said that it would just be me and my 3 year old. That was still fine and less stressful overall for me. Then I saw that there would be 30+ people there. For real!? Well it's her whole family and some of her daughter's friends. This revved up my anxiety for sure! That's a lot of people in one house but I still wanted to go. Then I started to think 'what if' someone is sick there or has been sick this past week. Then I decided that the party doesn't even start until 4 and it's an hour and a half away so that is a bit ridiculous. I would be out past my daughter's bed time and driving home at night in the dark in the Winter. That right there is excuse enough to not go but I already told my friend I would come. I know why she is having it at 4, she is working around her daughter's nap. If I lived closer the time wouldn't be an issue.
The lie - I don't know why but telling her the truth doesn't seem comfortable to me because we've talked on the phone several time about me coming and how excited she was that we were. We talked about how late it was and I didn't bring it up then either. So now I'm stuck so I came up with another plan and the lie. I posted of facebook that we were staying home from dance today because my youngest had a runny nose. My plan/lie is to say on Saturday that my oldest now has a runny nose and low-grade fever. I know this is all complicated but in my head it makes sense. Even though I hate lying about sickness this time I feel I have to. Next time I won't RSVP so quickly - I will let my crazy head think things through first. I could still go with the truth this time but I still feel bad. I figured if she sees one kid is sick today that it will be more believable on Saturday when I say the other one is now. I always get myself into these predicaments but I don't want to lose another friend so I don't want to just back out because of the time. I hope she understands. I am still contemplating the truth.
The guilt - I feel bad about not going because it would be fun for my daughter and my friend bought certain toys/games for the party with my crazy germ phobia in mind. (She bought party clappers instead of blow toys so no one would swap germs that way). For that I feel guilty.
Well dance class is officially over now so I can't go back on my decision. No more second guessing. Just forgiving myself and moving on....
***UPDATE*** As coincidence would have it. I logged onto FB and the other little girl (the sick one not on my facebook feed) added me as a friend. She probably saw my post on the dance sight. It turns out they did NOT have a stomach virus but I'm bracing myself.... they were at Chuck-E-Cheese last night - yikes! Fingers crossed they do not pick something else up from there!
More guilt - Now I feel like i used my one 'get out of jail free card' by skipping today. I should have gone!!
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